Last week, on planet earth...

Of course, I never really wanted them in the first place. But when a witch offers you some sort of magic tomatoes, you can't simply refuse. And letting them grow on her front porch where I could see them was an obvious offer of magic produce. She even put up a "keep out" sign and some barbed wire. I swear, her bids for the vegetables to gain my attention were becoming embarrassing.

So I finish off the tomatoes and suddenly, I can't feel my toes anymore. Or feet. Or anything. In fact, I appears that they are completely gone, leaving behind a set of mysteriously floating eyeballs. Seriously, I took a look in the mirror, nothing left. Then the witch comes out, and starts screaming at me. Like I hadn't done exactly what she insinuated she wanted me to do. Women, am I right? So I punched her in the face and ran off.

I had to go to class, but I couldn't go looking like that. It was gross. I started home to see if I could find a purse that matches with disembodied eyes, when I saw the witch on her broom with a look of murder on her face. Thinking quickly, I put on my favorite pair of shades. I casually floated into a crowd at the bus stop and waited for her to go past. To my dismay, she slowed down and stared intently into the group of people, glaring at them one by one. When she got to me she doubled the stare. I leaned back and put on my cool face. "'Sup?" I said coolly, with my cool glasses at a cool angle. The witch knew such a cool dude couldn't be me and took off.

I ran toward the school, where the power of knowledge awaited. Unfortunately I tripped on some chili dogs, and my glasses flew off, ruining my brilliant disguise. I fell into the chili, completely coating my un-lidded eyeballs in the horrible stuff. My face orbs were soaked in the pain of a thousand burning pains. Blind, and body-less, I stumbled into a crack in the glacial ice and disappeared, never to be seen again.

Luckily I got better, and just in time to make this post today. And that's why I didn't go to class last Thursday.